> Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere,
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money and a whole lot of show
And with Hank Junior blarin' on the radio
We got a tank full of gas and we were on our way
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
And we were barrelin' down old seventeen
When a man with a blinkin' red light was on our tail
He said, "You were doin' sixty in a forty-five
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again
I'm gonna slap you in the county jail"
We said, "Thank you, sir, you've sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"
And we were southbound and down with the wind blowin' in our faces
We kept on rollin' and pretty soon
The radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune
And we were pullin' into Houston and checkin' out all them places
I was feelin' dry and I said
"I think we outta stop and get ourselves a drink"
And ol' Jim said, "Yeah, 'cause we got time to kill"
We kept on rollin' and I seen this spot
And we pulled into the parkin' lot
Of this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill
We walked through the door and the place was jammed
The lights were low, they had a punk rock band
And some orange haired fellow singin' about suicide
I said, "Jim, this ain't our kinda place"
He said, "Well, let's just have one round anyway"
So against my better judgment, we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
And this fellow walked up and said, "I'll buy this round"
And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl, but he talked like a guy
Had lipstick on and mascara in his eye
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said "Jim, this ain't our kinda bar
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble, ain't no sense in takin' a chance"
We was getting up and gettin' ready to leave
And somebody grabbed ol' Jim by the sleeve
Was this good-lookin' girl, she was askin' my buddy to dance
I said, "Jim, don't do it, there's something missin'
There's fellers dancin' and fellers kissin'
There's a feller in high-heeled shoes wearin' pantyhose"
He said, "Partner, I just cain't turn this down,
You just go over there and have one more round,
I'll dance with the lady and we'll get on down the road"
So he walked away and left me alone
And this funny lookin' feller kept comin' on
And he was makin' me mad at some of the things he said
And then he put his hand on my knee
I said, "If you don't get your paw of me
I'm gonna locate your nose around on the side of your head"
He said, "I love it when you get that fire in your eye"
I said, "Well, partner, try this on for size"
And I unloaded on him, he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must have been his friend
They all headed for me, I said, "This is the end"
But where I come from, we don't give up without a fight
They were screamin' and yellin' and scratchin' and clawin'
I was punchin' and hittin' and kickin' and pawin'
And I was holdin' my own, 'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Ol' Jim come runnin' up outta the blue
And that gal he was with come runnin' up, too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high-heeled shoe
I grabbed her by the hair and it come off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And Ol' Jim just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run
And me and ol' Jim started fightin' our way to the door
Man, we let outta there in that Chevrolet
And I put her on the floor and she stayed that way
And we was goin' down the highway doing about a hundred and ten
We was headed for home and we was gettin' near
When a red light come on the rearview mirror
And that same blame cop was pullin' us over again
Well, I'm sittin' here in this county jail
I had to call my daddy to throw our bail
But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again
I done give up drinkin', I've give up bars
And runnin' 'round the country in souped up cars
Goin' back where the women are women and the men are men