Now when you choose a law career
The moment you embark
There is that joke you're bound to hear
A lawyer is a shark
Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb
Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some
The rest are chum
Our topic is blood in the water
Kids, it's time you faced
Law school is a waste
Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for blood in the water
Dark and red and raw
You're nothing until the thrill of the kill becomes your only law
Mr Schultz, hypothetical question
Would you be willing to defend the following banker accused of fraud
A kind old Grandma took her savings and she sent it
Off to your client, all she saved since she was born
Well, he promised to invest it, but he spent it
On prostitutes and heroin and porn
No, I would not want to take that case
Wrong
This one is a win unless you're lazy
Grandma's broke, she'll have some hack from legal aid
Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy
Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid
Look for the blood in the water
Read your Thomas Hobbes
Only spineless snobs
Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs
Yes, blood in the water
Your scrupels are a flaw
Ms Hoopes, hypothetical question
Would you be the right lawyer for the following client
Say they offeryou a bundle for defending
A famous hitman for the Mafia elite
Seems he missed his chosen prey
Killed a nun and drove away
Running over three cute puppies in the street
What, you think I wouldn't defend him
Just because he's a typical man
Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough
Stammers incoherently
Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended
Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak
Your employment will be very quickly ended
When they see how your emotions make you weak
So what's my point
I run a billion dollar law firm
And I hire four new interns every year
From this class I will select
Four young sharks whom I respect
And those four will have a guaranteed career
Do you follow me
So I wanna see, what
Blood in the water
Exactly
Let the games begin
Four of you will win
But just those four with a dorsal fin
Yes, blood in the water
So bite and scratch and claw
Yes, Ms, uh
Woods, Elle Woods
Someone's had their morning coffee
Would you summarise the case of State of Indiana v Hearn from your reading, please
Oh I wanted to answer the puppy question
But I'm asking you about the assigned reading
Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class
You have guts, Ms Woods
Ms Kensington
Let us say you teach a class at Harvard Law School
A position that you're justly proud about
But a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all
Should you let it go or
No, I'd throw her out
Alright then
You heard your classmate
You have just been killed
She cut your throat so grab your coat
Yes, you've got guts
But now they're spilled
Your blood's in the water
Ha ha ha ha
So would you please withdraw
And if you return be ready to learn
Or is that unfair Oh, wait I don't care
That's just how I rule In life and in school
With fear and shock and awe
You're nothing until
Blood in the water
The thrill of the kill
Blood in the water
Becomes your only law
Blood in the water
Your only law
Blood in the water
Your only law
Blood in the water
Blood in the water