You`ve `eard `ow young Albert Ramsbottom
At the zoo up at Blackpool one year
With a stick with an `orse`s `ead `andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear
The name of the lion was Wallace
The poke in the ear made i`m wild
And before you could say Bob`s yer uncle
E`d upped and `e`d swallowed the child
`E were sorry the moment `e done it
With children `e`d always been chums
And besides `e`d no teeth in his muzzle
And `e couldn`t chew Albert on`t gums
`E could feel the lad movin` inside `im
As `e lay on `is bed of dried ferns
And it might `ave been little lad`s birthday
E wished `im such `appy returns
But Albert kept kickin` and fightin`
And Wallace got up feelin` bad
decided `twere time that `e started
To stage a comeback for the lad
Then puttin` `ead down in one corner
On `is front paws `e started to walk
And `e coughed and `e sneezed and `e gargled
`Till Albert shot out like a cork
Now Wallace felt better directly
And `is figure once more became lean
But the only difference with Albert
Was `is face and `is `ands were quite clean
Meanwhile Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
`Ad gone back to their tea feelin` blue
Ma said I feel down in the mouth like
Pa said Aye I bet Albert does too
Said Mother It just goes to show yer
That the future is never revealed
If I`d thowt we was goin` to lose `im
I`d `ave not `ad `is boots soled and `eeled
Let`s look on the bright side said Father
Wot can`t be `elped must be endured
Each cloud `as a silvery lining
And we did `ave young Albert insured
A knock on the door came that moment
As Father these kind words did speak
`Twas the man from Prudential `e`d come for
Their tuppence per person per week
When Father saw `oo `ad been knockin`
`E laughed and `e kept laughin` so
The man said `Ere wot`s there to laugh at
Pa said You`ll laugh and all when you know
Excuse `im for laughing said Mother
But really things `appen so strange
Our Albert`s been et by a lion
You`ve got to pay us for a change
Said the young man from the Prudential
Now come come let`s understand this
You don`t mean to say that you`ve lost `im
Pa said Oh no we know where `e is
When the young man `ad `eard all the details
A purse from `is pocket he drew
And `e paid them with interest and bonus
The sum of nine pounds four and two
Pa `ad scarce got `is `and on the money
When a face at the window they see
And Mother cried Eee look it`s Albert
And Father said Aye it would be
Albert came in all excited
And started `is story to give
And Pa said I`ll never trust lions
Again not as long as I live
The young man from the Prudential
To pick up the money began
But Father said `ere wait a moment
Don`t be in a `urry young man
Then giving young Albert a shilling
`E said `Ere pop off back to the zoo
Get your stick with the `orse`s `ead `andle
Go and see wot the tigers can do