Sorting through my things
the other day
I found an old film camera
that I thought I'd thrown away
But there it was covered in dust
I checked it and the film inside
still had a few pictures left
So I just snapped it off and then
I found a place on the high street
that could still develop them
I dropped them off
and clean forgot
It wasn't until this morning
that I picked the pictures up
And there before my eyes
in vivid colour
Pictures of her stood smiling
bold on the edge
of a cliff by the sea
On the south coast somewhere
Wind in her hair wrapped
against the cold
There were many
other pictures in the set
Most of them were taken
in the first months after we met
When we were lovers
like happy drunks
Stumbling for each other
with each step
each breath in our lungs
Pictures of nights
from soho bars
A weekend in the country
when she bought my sister's car
Her naked
serene on a hotel bed
Smiling at the camera
her beauty like a word unsaid
And there before my eyes
on the glossy paper
Quiet whispers of something
I had lost or put aside
for the longest time
The hope that I might
find some kind of peace
Oh oh oh
where did it
go go go
I just don't know exactly
where I kept it
There right there under
the stairs oh please
Darling I swear swear swear
that's where I left it
Secret little things
that you keep locked away
In a small wooden box that
you barely even
mention to yourself
It's not exactly hope
nothing quite as simple as youth
Perhaps it's just a way
of looking past the truth
We're all fading away
The truth I can see in the very
last frame of that long
lost roll of film
A picture of me
a young man holding
a camera up to a mirror
And there before my eyes
in that old reflection
a declaration bold
We won't stay gold
all that's left of her and rest
Is a small locked box
of undeveloped films
and photographs