Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
He's an affable man with a plausible plan
Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand

(And then he..)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha

While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
He's an immaculate dresser, he's your common aggressor
He's a modern retard with a love of bombast
Keeps his eye on the news, doesn't dwells on the past

(And then he..)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha

(And then he..)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
He's pleased with himself, he's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha
He's pleased with himself, he's so pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself, ah ha

(Through the megaphone, along with last chorus:
He's a modern retard, he's terminal lard
He's an affable man, with a carrotene tan
Because Colin Zeal's ill
Colin Zeal's ill
Colin Zeal's ill)

'Cos Colin Zeal knows