Eddie the Eunuch was a weasel

Nasty as an old man's nose

Making believin' he was evil

Struttin' in his mama's clothes

You know that Eddie had a bad connection

Never had a chance to ball

Sleeping in the wrong direction, baby

Dreaming he was ten feet tall

But now Eddie the Eunuch is a rock and roll critic

Sucking like a super star

Slicker than a shoe-shine

Quicker than a two-time

Eddie what a thang you are

Eddie makes a damn good livin', baby

Putting other people down

Eddie couldn't ever forgive them baby

'Cause he wasn't Jackson Browne