"Standin' on the corner
     Not doin' nothin' to no one.

     When a squad car stops
     And out jump cops      
     You one of them, if I ever saw one.

     Wonder what I said
     As my face turned red
     Up against the wall, says the tall one.

     That's a cute mustache
     Have ya got any hash?
     I'd like to make a buy, says the small one.

     Now da whole thing's silly
     But I'm starin' at the billy
     Quietly askin' myself now will he …

     Use that thing
     To make my eardrums ring
     It's all a bad dream
     And I'm in South Philly
     Now tell 'em, Mr. Hohner …

     Me and Mr. Hohner
     In Yuma, Arizona
     Tryin' to hitch a ride to Denver.

     Well, out of a toll
     Comes the highway patrol
     To check up on my gender.

     Is it her or him
     Or maybe Tiny Tim?
     Now up against the fence, says the dense one.

     You have picked a bad spot
     To smoke your pot
     Whatcha gonna do two against one?

     Now da whole thing's silly
     But I'm starin' at the billy
     Quietly askin' myself now will he …

     Use that thing
     To make my eardrums ring
     It's all a bad dream
     And I'm in South Philly
     Now tell 'em, Mr. Hohner …

     Me and Mr. Hohner
     Relaxin' out at Kona
     Hawaiian sun can be groovy.

     When a pair of MPs    
     Yell out, freeze!
And I think I gotta part in a movie.

Hey! I'm talkin' to you
Tell me what did I do?
You're a draft card burner, says the thin one.

We can tell by your looks
That you read too many books of wars
And that's because ya ain't been in one.

Now the whole thing's silly
But I'm starin' at the billy
Quietly askin' myself now will he …

Use that thing
To make my eardrums ring
It's all a bad dream
And I'm in South Philly
Now tell 'em, Mr. Hohner …
"